


Take a breath, love (you're not losing me)

by HopeSilverheart



Series: Loving Em at 2AM [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cuddling, Engaged Helen/Aline, Established Relationship, F/F, Financial Issues, Fluff, Girls in Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Protective Aline, They're struggling but still love each other a lot, protective Helen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:48:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeSilverheart/pseuds/HopeSilverheart
Summary: Despite her exhaustion, she couldn’t stop the small smile that made its way onto her face as she realised Aline had tried waiting up for her. Her fiancée was slumped over the kitchen table, two mugs of tea laying cold and forgotten next to her. Her hair was a mess, her make-up was probably smudged, and she was snoring faintly, but Helen had never seen anything as beautiful as her.Or: The world hasn't been kind to Helen and Aline, but they're determined to make it through together.
Relationships: Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow
Series: Loving Em at 2AM [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764400
Comments: 11
Kudos: 28





	Take a breath, love (you're not losing me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thatnerdemryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemryn/gifts).



> title is from gabrielle aplin's 'losing me'

Helen turned the key into the lock and pushed the apartment’s door open tiredly.

She was home late again, fresh out of two consecutive shifts at the restaurant. She was exhausted, sick of having to work herself to death in order to make ends meet and frustrated at her inability to be home at reasonable hours. In between her day job and her two night gigs, she was struggling to find time for herself, let alone for her fiancée.

Despite her exhaustion, she couldn’t stop the small smile that made its way onto her face as she realised Aline had tried waiting up for her. Her fiancée was slumped over the kitchen table, two mugs of tea laying cold and forgotten next to her. Her hair was a mess, her make-up was probably smudged, and she was snoring faintly, but Helen had never seen anything as beautiful as her.

Ever since Aline’s parents had found out about their relationship and cut their daughter off, the two women had been having a hard time. They didn’t fight, but they didn’t really talk either. Aline was trying to power through her last year of law school but Helen knew she was struggling to keep up with everything.

Two months had passed since that fateful evening and neither of them had taken the time to stop, breathe, and talk about what was bothering them. They needed to do that, Helen knew, but it would have to wait a while longer. For now, the only thing she could do was shake her fiancée awake as gently as possible and make sure she made it to bed safely.

“Aline,” she murmured, stroking her fiancée’s hair softly. God, she missed moments like these. She wished she’d been able to get home earlier and sit down to have a nice cup of tea with the woman she loved.

She couldn’t do that, not when there was so much work to do and bills to pay, but she could still show Aline she loved her in a hundred different ways.

“Angel mine,” she whispered, shaking her fiancée’s shoulder as gently as possible. She wished she were strong enough to carry Aline to bed without having to wake her, but Aline had always been the one to scoop her up in her arms. “You need to get up and go to bed, Aline, or you’ll be sore tomorrow.”

The woman grumbled in her sleep and leaned into Helen’s touch but she still didn’t stir, and Helen was starting to wonder if she would manage to move her at all. Her fiancée had an important exam the next day, and she needed to be in top form. She’d been studying for it all month and Helen would be damned if she let Aline fail it just because she had been waiting up for her.

“Aline, _please_ ,” she repeated, louder this time. Her fiancée stirred and opened one eye, staring at Helen blearily. The blonde woman lost herself in that dark gaze for a moment, wondering when she had last let herself admire her fiancée like this. Sometimes it felt like they were living on borrowed time, unable to stop and breathe in the small moments. The moments that mattered. “Hello, angel, glad to see you’re back in the land of the living. We need to get you to bed.”

Helen had expected Aline to stay half-asleep and trudge towards their bedroom before spreading herself out on their bed and drifting off immediately. Instead, Aline’s eyes suddenly blinked wide open and the woman sat up, looking around and cursing as she spotted the cold mugs of tea.

“What time is it?” she asked. “How long have I been asleep for?”

“It’s past midnight,” Helen winced. “And I don’t know. I just got home, angel, and I know you have a test tomorrow… I’m sorry I woke you up but I didn’t think you’d want to wake up with a sore neck and back. You can just move to the bedroom though, it’s fine. I promise I’ll be quiet when I come back in.”

Her fiancée stared at her incredulously, eyes full of shock and sadness. Helen frowned, wondering what she had done or said wrong. It wasn’t like she was trying to hurt her fiancée, but lately it felt like she couldn’t get anything right. All her words were stilted, her actions misinterpreted, and she had no idea how to fix things between them.

“You think I care more about this stupid exam than I do about you?” Aline finally burst out, tears welling in her eyes. In an instant Helen was crouching in front of her, reaching up to wipe away the tears before they could fall. She hated seeing her fiancée cry, and she didn’t know if she could stop her own waterworks if Aline started sobbing in front of her. “Helen, I was worried about you and wanted to make sure you weren’t coming home at ungodly hours again. Seems like I was right about this. Love, you can’t… You can’t keep working yourself into the ground like this.”

“Of course I can,” Helen huffed. “It’s the least I can do for us. We need a place to live, and I can provide. I know my hours aren’t exactly the best, especially not for our relationship and time together, but we’ll make it through eventually. Only a couple of months until you have your degree and then we can start planning the wedding of the century.”

They had been putting it off until they were a little more financially stable, but Helen knew they were both looking forward to it. Their friends had been nothing but supportive, and Helen couldn’t wait for the day when she would finally be tied to the love of her life forever.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone for a few more months,” Aline sighed, her voice wavering as another wave of tears flooded her eyes. “Love, we should both be contributing to our income but instead I’m just… I’m here, complaining about exams and college as though you don’t have to deal with three jobs to keep us afloat. We’re engaged, Helen, you shouldn’t be the only one bringing something to the table.”

“Is that really what you think?”

Helen frowned at the thought. Yes, it was hard having to provide for two, but it wasn’t impossible. Their apartment was tiny and the neighbourhood dubious, but it worked for them. Or at least she had _thought_ it worked for them. Clearly, Aline was having a harder time adjusting to their new life than she was.

“Hey, angel mine, look at me,” Helen whispered. “You bring so much to this relationship, Aline, so much more than you realise. You’re the reason why I get up in the morning and tell myself I can do this. You’re the person I think about when my shifts feel endless and I want nothing more than to give up. You’re worth so much, angel, so much more than money in a bank.”

“But you’re unhappy.”

The words hit Helen harder than she could have ever anticipated. Partly because she couldn’t believe Aline would ever believe that, and partly because there were times when she thought that herself.

She wasn’t unhappy, really, not even after months of struggling and working her ass off and barely making it through the month. She was tired and angry at the world for dealing them such a terrible hand and in desperate need of a holiday with the people she loved, but she wasn’t unhappy.

“I could never be unhappy with you, angel,” she murmured, pressing kisses to Aline’s hands, and standing up again. “Come on, let’s go to bed. We can talk about this more once we’re somewhere a little more comfortable. But Aline, let me make one thing perfectly clear before you start worrying again. I love you, angel, I always have and probably always will. Our lives may be hard, but never doubt that I’m happy with you, please. You made me the luckiest woman in the world when you said yes, so don’t ever think you’re not worth the world to me.”

Her fiancée didn’t answer but her features softened minutely, which Helen counted as a win. It took them less than ten minutes to change into their pyjamas and snuggle into bed together, the comforter Aline had knitted for them all those months ago resting over them like a protective cocoon.

“Now, will you tell me what made you think I was unhappy, angel?”

Aline fiddled with the hem of Helen’s shirt for a while longer, not meeting her fiancée’s gaze. When she refused to lift her eyes, Helen reached out gently and tilted Aline’s chin until they were each lying on one side, gazing at each other seriously.

The tears had vanished from Aline’s eyes, but the woman still looked sad and unsure and heartbroken, and Helen wanted nothing more than to fix things. She wanted nothing more than to see her fiancée smile at her and laugh with her as she had always done. As she had done before their lives were turned upside down.

“You’re never home anymore,” Aline finally murmured, her hand curling around Helen’s waist possessively. “You’re never here, and I don’t know if it’s because you’re truly too busy or if you can’t stand to be in the same room as the woman who promised you a bright future and can only give you… _this_.”

She punctuated the last word with a sweeping gesture towards her face. Aline had always been so strong and confident and seeing her on the verge of tears, her features withdrawn and anxious, made Helen want to sob and murder whichever god was responsible for their misery.

“You’ve given me everything, angel. You’ve given me the world and your heart on a silver platter, and that bright future you promised me is right around the corner. I can see it coming, Aline Blackthorn. We just have to be patient for a while longer.”

They weren’t married yet, of course, but Aline had once admitted that she no longer wanted to be associated with her parents and homophobic family, so Helen had taken to calling her by her name instead. It never failed to make her fiancée choke up or smile or both, and it was worth it when Aline’s face broke into a tiny grin.

“How much longer is a while?”

“Does it matter?” Helen shrugged as best as she could. “Angel, a while could be a year and I still wouldn’t regret asking you to marry me. It could be a decade and there still wouldn’t be anyone I would rather fall asleep next to. It could be an eternity and I wouldn’t leave you. I will never leave you, Aline, do you understand? I’ll love you in joy and in sorrow, for as long as you’ll have me.”

This time, Helen was certain the tears that leaked out of Aline’s eyes were happy tears, so she let them stream down her fiancée’s face as she cupped one of her cheeks. She leaned in slowly, pressing her lips to Aline’s salty ones and smiling into the kiss. She had missed this so much, their small moments of intimacy when she was reminded of all the reasons why she loved this woman with all her heart.

When they parted, Aline kept her close, their foreheads touching and their noses rubbing against each other. Helen felt more peaceful than she had in months, laying in her fiancée’s arms and feeling her breath ghost against her mouth.

“I’ll always want you, love,” Aline murmured sleepily, her eyes struggling to stay open. “For as long as _you’ll_ have me.”

She was asleep a second later, leaving Helen to stare at her in reverence and contentment. She had never loved anyone quite as much as she did Aline, and she didn’t think she’d ever find anyone else if her angel decided to let her go.

Because as horrible as life seemed at the moment, at least she had the love of her life with her, worrying about her and sleeping next to her and telling her she loved her. It wasn’t much, but it was what mattered the most.

She’d fight off the exhaustion for years if it meant she got to love Aline until the end of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! Thank you so much for reading! This wasn't beta-read so, as always, any and all mistakes are my own! Em made me realise I hadn't written Heline yet and I had to fix that immediately! They were a delight to write, even though this turned out a bit more Hurt/Comforty than Fluffy. Still, I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Love, Junie. 
> 
> (find me on tumblr @hopesilverheart)


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